And So It Begins!!

Today is August 18th - officially the start of my adventure!

It's been quite the past couple of days/weeks but I think the most overwhelming feeling I have is eagerness. I'm eager to meet these people that will be in my life for the next year, eager to make myself at home in my new apartment, and eager to feel comfortable again. As I sit right outside my gate at Dulles International, I realize I haven't really felt "comfortable" about this since April when I found out this was all happening haha.

And although I could really work myself up about all the nerves and apprehensions I'm definitely feeling, I have this weird calmness that comes over me every once in a while. I honestly have no idea what it is, or why I randomly feel it, but I kind of feel it now??? weird right. Like I literally just said bye to my family for the longest I've ever gone without them, and finally on my own...and I feel calm?? I don't get it but I'm just letting it happen considering I usually feel quite the opposite haha

There's a couple reasons why I think I'm feeling this way and one of them is this incredible support I've felt from my friends recently. Like of course my family is supportive - they've always been it's really nothing new and I hope I don't take that for granted. But the friends in my life have made this past summer the best. And I really mean that. It's been the very best summer I've ever had. I saw SO many friends, made the 4+ hour drives I usually opt out of, and they've done the same. I showed off Baltimore to people close to me, and in doing that kinda felt like a tourist myself. I saw parts of the US I had dreamed of seeing in the 2-week road trip of a lifetime and kinda continued it on the east coast visiting friends in parts of NY and NJ that I had never been to. I had more crab feasts than I think I've ever had in my entire life, went on spontaneous beach trips, and took so many pictures of everything and anything.

Here are some of the millions you can swipe through :)

And in doing all of that, and so much more, I found myself really holding on to the people close to me. I always joke with people that I'm not that emotional or at least not one to show all of my emotions. But I think I'm gonna change that narrative haha because I'm literally so emotional and am actually crying writing this because of how much my friends have meant to me. I don't know why this time in my life feels so different, but the support and genuine excitement for me feels so real and authentic. I really feel like I have a whole tribe of people behind me, ready to do this with me, which is a feeling I don't know if I've ever experienced before. It's so overwhelming in the very best way.

But another reason why I'm feeling this calmness is kind of the whole reason I'm doing this - my grandparents. My mom's mom and dad are from what was Czechoslovakia, now Czech Republic and Slovakia. So in my application I wrote a bit about this lost part of my family's history that we really don't know a lot about. And I've been really honest with some people about it being kind of this easy excuse to pick Czech Republic and a good story to catch the eye of whoever read my application. But the more I've

thought about it, the more meaningful it gets. My Nana and Papap were simply the best people to exist. And here come the tears again haha. I mean it when I say I have never felt love more from one person than I have from my Nana - and I honestly don't think anyone could come close. She was, and still is, me and my sister's biggest fan and supporter. And my Papap too haha but he really just took her lead and echoed everything she was. I get so emotional talking about them because when they passed, it left such a gap in all of our lives. A gap usually filled with the most reassurance, confidence, and affection in the whole world. Even though they aren't physically here, I've felt them more than ever. Something about living in the Czech Republic, where probably some of their direct family lived, it's like they're learning about it with me.

My Papap would always tell Taylor and I that one of us was going to be an ambassador. Why? I'm not sure. Like a 10 year old...an ambassador...how do you even know our personalities at that point haha. I honestly didn't even know what an ambassador was, and it wasn't like Taylor or I had this HUGE love for travel at that young age. I remember it feeling so random, like why THAT of all things you see for us haha. And it took until this past month or so that I realized I actually am? an ambassador? I remember sitting in my mom's office and I don't know what she said but I just thought about it for a second and teared up a bit, because he knew. Somehow my Papap knew this was gonna happen for me and I just felt the presence of him and my Nana like I never really had before. And no I'm not like a real ambassador obviously, but the Fulbright description is a cultural ambassador for the U.S. and I think that's pretty darn close.

So now it's 8:23pm before my 10:30pm flight, and I think I'm done the one thing I had to preoccupy myself haha. Sooo I'll probably just sit here, maybe cry a little, maybe not who knows haha. Today was really the only day I've had to hold back tears but again, it wasn't out of fear or true anxiety really. It was more just an overwhelming feeling of change and realizing that 10 months is a freaking long time. But for now... I think I'm okay? Got my Nana and Papap here, ready to get some snacks and pop a ZQuil soon lol

See ya in the CZECH baby!!

Here's a sad pic I left for the bottom so it's not right in my face the whole time lol